I’m not sure I want to re-live this shit show but here it goes. If you’re driving across the Nicaragua border crossing at Guasuale, just know that the entry and exit are equally confusing and it’s a complete mess. You will get through it, just prepare for some frustration.
I spent the night in Choluteca, Honduras at the 5th hotel I tried before finding a dog friendly room. A girl on Tinder called Cholteca the Devil’s Fan. It is seriously hot and flat out miserable. I left early to catch the border before the heat cranked up.
Exit Honduras
I pulled into the exit area, which isn’t labeled at all. There is a parking area full of semi-trucks with no order. A guy flagged me down and asked to check my papers. He wasn’t an official but turned out to be a helper. He was however standing with an official.
They immediately noticed I didn’t have a dog certificate from the Honduras border entry and said I couldn’t get an exit stamp without paying a 180-dollar fine.
But of course there was another way. Just give the helper some cash and he would grease the right palms to make it happen. He could have been truthful or completely full of shit. Regardless, I paid and was out 40 bucks on the exit process. After being stamped out, the helper sent me across to Nicaragua with 2 guys on bicycles.
Enter Nicaragua
I hadn’t agreed to anything but they led the way. They actually turned out to be good guys. Sharks to some degree but it’s the shitty government that makes the entire thing run on bribes.
On the Nicaragua side, absolutely nothing is labeled. There are office buildings and trailers with offices scattered about and nothing makes any damn sense. How about a f***king sign or two to label the offices?
So there I was, dependent on the helpers again. I just wanted to move quickly so the dog could get out of the heat. You drive through fumigation and some guy sprays your car quickly. Then you pay 3 bucks and get a receipt. Next, we went an unlabeled trailer to fill out the dog paperwork.
This took some time and I got a health certificate after filling out forms and having some guy inspect my dog. He seemed like a verterinarian but who knows.
Next, fill out the tourism entry form and find the main office to get stamped. Nicaragua requires you fill out a form with the intent of entry 10 days in advance. I had done this but they couldn’t find it in their system. Apparently this is common.
Some guy interviewed me in painfully slow phases for several hours.
What is your name?
Where are you going?
Then he walks to an office and makes a phone call for 10 minutes before coming back.
Do you have an address in Nicaragua?
And this continues until you lose your shit and complain a bunch. In the meantime, an inspector checks the car for the TIP and the cops inspect as well. The dog surprised them and they didn’t even look inside.
Eventually, they agreed to stamp my passport. Which required 8 USD exactly. Of course I didn’t have the exact change. Back outside to the money changers.
Back inside for the stamp.
Into a back office to complete the TIP. Hand over the title, registration, passport, drivers license and copies of everything. Wait for 20 minutes while the lady types. Receive the TIP paper. Go find the insurance salesman at a random table outside. Buy insurance.
At this point, everything is finally done. But of course, there’s a catch.
Nicaragua has a giant X-Ray machine for vehicles. And they require that you unload all of your stuff, then X-Ray before passing through the border. This can take hours and I was already 4+ hours into the crossing.
Bu wait, 20-bucks and you are home free. So I paid the 20 to a cop. He let me pass. Then I tipped my helpers 10 each and drove off.
10-minutes later, I hit a police stop. He checked all my papers and started the find a problem, get a bribe process. I was so frustrated after the border that I just said, “Your border helpers have all my cash in bribes. I’m not paying anything more today.” He handed back my stuff and I drove off to Playa Tesoro.
If you want to get across this one without the bribes and helpers. I have a few recommendations.
- Go slow, shut down the helpers immediately.
- Do your Nicaragua entry form 10-14 days in advance and keep a copy handy plus a confirmation number.
- Speak excellent Spanish.
- Still plan on paying the last bribe to avoid the X-Ray scanner.
